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StrangerDear stranger,
I could smile, say hi
And then walk right on by
Maybe somebody'll somehow somersault
Pass you
But that somebody won't be me
I'll smile, say hi
And then stop chat awhile
Yes stranger,
There's a place reserved for you
In my circle
My circle of friends
For you and you alone
And while I wait for you
To claim your place in the circle
I pray that the angels
Of heaven walk with you
Throughout your life
You stranger,
Your face is but a black blur
In my mind
Maybe someday, sometime, somewhere
We'll meet face to face
Then your face
Will be as clear as the teardrop
That falls from my eyes
Yours stranger
For all eternity.
-RJ
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| Husband becoming of becoming Father |
| 08.17.05 (3:52 am) [edit] |
I've always dreamed that someday I would find that perfect someone. That she would be chosen from the multitudes just for me and our lives would both be filled with the joy of completeness. I am living that dream now.
In that completeness, I've neglected writing. I've ignored my need to open my soul to the world and explore my thoughts. It is natural for me to write as a medium to share ideas and thought and better understand them in the process.
In many a fairy tale, there is an enchanted place and there is a common place. I am from that common place, and I have stolen away some measure of that enchantment for myself. It feels so selfish that I would do this. I've trapped a firefly in a glass jar and loosed it in a new place without the rythm of lights. She still glows just for me, but imagines to return to that field once again.
My wife is taken with our new child, and it asks alot. Even at 2.5in the little person seems to require so much of her. I try to provide for their need and be a good husband. In my mind I imagine a long table of most delectable foods for her to choose from. Her eyes so big with wonder at all of the tempting choices. But then I look at the table and I see things that I haven't the power to provide. Each from some fantastic world other than my own. My world owns little for her cravings, and her cravings desire little from this world.
So I scurry on, hoping to stumble on new nourishing treasures. And thank God for the days when my love and our new joi are tummies full and feeling tall. I love them both. -len
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| I'm alive... |
| 06.08.05 (3:09 pm) [edit] |
I realized that I hadn't posted since before our move (RJ & I) and I've left y'all hangin'...
So here it is. We moved. And I'm sane. I'll start from there.
Alot of changes have happened at work lately. That's where I'm at right now, in my new spot postin' a quick blog to say I'm alive. I don't do this much, but I need to right now. I've been obsessing about all the changes lately and thinkin' alot about how safe I feel in my current path. Sure I'll be here for the next year, prolly.. but what about after that.
A friend of Rach and I gave us an idea of starting a small day care in Wichita for deaf children. I ...wasn't finished. I was about to say, I think it's a great idea and so does Rach, but the real complication is the business and legal side of making something like that happen.
I've been thinking more and more about moving to the education side myself. There would be alot of hoops I would have to jump through and I would be taking another pay cut, but it's in my blood. Both my parents have been teachers, and my brother seems to be getting geared up to go that way too. I'm not sure exactly what the future holds, but I'm starting to get "technology old," so I need to start thinking about what I'm gonna do after I'm too old to be marketable as a pseudo-nerd.
Lyon's DHH Day camp is about on us.. this coming week in fact. Rach is going to volunteer herself, because I can't get off work to join her. I loved the day camp that one year I did it, and now it should be even better. A bunch of people that ran the one I went to and made it so fun got fed up with the changes that the Y- made to the camp and decided to start thier own camp at eb- farms. It's expected to be deaf kids only, so it should be alot of fun. I really wish I could go.
I'm going to the DHH overnight camp though for sure.. It's at R- Springs as usual, and should be as fun as ever. I dig going to that one every year, and RJ does too. She's only been one year, but camp comes up in convos all year round. It's for the older kids, and so they're really cool to get to know. Last year Rach went, there was some confusion as to whether she was a camper or counselor, but this year she's 21 so it should be clear.
-len
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| Going crazy.. |
| 03.03.05 (8:58 pm) [edit] |
I'm going insane here.. I never thought it would happen.
I lived with my parents until I was 21.. and even after I got my own place I kept coming back. I'm a good kid, and I can get along with anyone. I'm very tolerant, and I'm very VERY thankful for loving parents that would be glad to have me around so much.
But I've back from being away for 6mo.. and I'm starting to go insane.
I'm not going to bother picking on my parents, because they are the most wonderful parents I could ask for.. and I never want to undermine that. It's me. I can't argue in circles like I used to anymore.. I just can't.
I think I'm spoiled with Rach's sensability. She understands things, and has a most open mind.. even when mine seems so closed. I love her.. and that heals me. She brings order to my chaos. She brings tenderness to sooth my scorn, and a dose of healthy stubbornness when I think I must have my own way. Only Rachael could conquer my will, and immediately turn to sooth the sting of my swollen pride.
She is brave as she is shy. and I am grateful for her love.
And I don't want to argue with my Mom anymore. Life is good, even when it feels bad. After all, what's the alternative? ..so get on with it, and enjoy.
I'm gonna get on with sleep.. so I can enjoy tmw. :P 'gnight all. -len
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| Instructions.. |
| 02.22.05 (11:34 pm) [edit] |
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A. First, recommend to me (or list your favorite): 1. A movie 2. A book, and 3. A musical artist, song, or album
B. Everyone who reads this has to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.
C. Then, go to your blog, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything they want!
[This was stolen from Kat, who stole it from Amy.. ]
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| Hurried heart |
| 12.07.04 (2:38 pm) [edit] |
colourless white and painted light on a canvas of parchment and moonlit night you hide in shadows and keep the sun that will ne'er again glow 'til the task is done
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| immortally mortal |
| 12.07.04 (2:37 pm) [edit] |
We are the angels pierced and fallen who did not choose this earth as home to walk among the mortal and mortals and slowly deny our heavenly tome
Unalike alike with mourning eye to beg mortality recalled And empty the silence on a tiled floor
But still we walk, imortally mortal and seek no relief from our own prison the darkness is comfort that offers us ill and we take it wholeheartedly in a jagged black pill -len
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| A buch of silly questions.. |
| 12.07.04 (12:42 am) [edit] |
Here's some um.. questions. Answer carefully People. :shock:
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you talk to me a lot?
5. Am i fun to talk to?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. Whats one thing that we had and was only ours?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. If given the chance would you do me?
16.If given the chance would you embrace lips with myself?
17. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
..and that's what happens when you play with matches. Put those away! -len
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| Adventures.. |
| 11.22.04 (10:52 pm) [edit] |
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I had not one but two!!
[b]Adventure one.. (Home and Away at Palm Beach)[/b] Last thursday, Rach surprised me. She roused me early and got me runnin' straight away. we were dressed and on the road (not without some twiddling and prying from me as to the intended destination of the day) well before noon. Once we were in the car, Rach gave me the map and said.. "Here ya go.. see if you can find out where we're headed." Oye! So, I went at it and finally found us headin' north after we're about halfway there. After catchin up with where we were.. I had to work out where we were headin'. :| ..not as easy as it sounds. Finally Rach confessed the need for a navigator in the last leg of the trip and gave up the destination. Among the dozens of beaches in the area.. we were headed to the most difficult and treachurous destination of them all - Palm Beach. Ok, so it was maybe not so treaturous after all..
[b]Adventure two.. (Blue Mountains on a shoestring) [/b] Rach and I hoped to take this trip since I got here, and we finally got our chance. On Monday (some holiday here) rumor had it that there was a fare free day, thanks to some protesting individuals that had a problem with late trains. It was perfect. We woke early, got ready.. and hopped on that train. We were even able to score a 3 person seat without a armrest (silly mushy peeps we are). However, the train soon became more and more filled from the continuous influx of passengers until we reach ed our destination.. The Blue Mountains. We walked past where James and Nerise had thier reception.. we even stopped at a suvenier shop and got a patch for Rach. I found out what a real aussie hat should look like, and I got a picture from a camera (with a dead battery) of me hugging a giant Koala bear named willy. Still not quite sure if that bear was put there to be scary or cute.. it was a little of both. After we reached the overlook.. I was stunned. It was beautiful and forboding. We walked along trails and made it to the really steep train thing.. then took a quick $14 ride down a hill. We coulda hopped in for free that day, I'm sure... they didn't even give us a ticket for the ride. Once we got down to the bottom, we walked for a bit until we saw a map and realized how far we would have to walk that way to get back. We turned around and sat on a nearby rock. As people made the same mistake we did and walked by.. we asessed who would return, and who would take up the challenge. People with cameras seemed to be the less couragous. After that game, we stared up the hundred thousand million step staircase.. on which we saw a fella I thought looked harmless enough to challenge Rach to pass. She took the challenge and the next thing I know, we're playing leapfrog with this stranger and feeling right puffed. We finally made it up, and just behind the stranger because I had to look at some rock formation or rain forest plaquard. Woe is we. But we survived.. and were on our way home. On our way back.. we probably stopped in every bakery shop on that street. At the last one, we chose some lovely pastries to gobble for the trip home. It was getting cold.. even for me. We waited on the platform, and Rachael stole a bit of my patsty. Just the pastry part tho, because it was a sausage roll. A really good one too. And that was it.. we made our way home and counted our expenses.. for Blue Mountains on a shoestring.
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| Challenged.. |
| 11.11.04 (5:50 pm) [edit] |
I was challenged today by Rach's mum to do exactly what I've intended to do since I got here... ...have an adventure.
I haven't done it yet...
Instead I'm taking a moment to post the same drivel I keep posting over and over again. It's as if my mind is clear when my eye is on this silly computer screen. It doesn't talk back, it doesn't challenge me.. it just holds my attention and flickers incessently.
..and my eyes respond in red.
I'm wearing my number 2 shirt today. I want to go for a walk. As usual, that requires alot of preparation for me. The excuse right now is that my phone is charging. I'm not even sure why I'm taking my phone. I need to go to the park.. that's always easy. Maybe I'll take a trip to the map store. In preparation for my adventure, I need to have a map. Yes, that's what I'll do.. I'll have a preadventure trek.
I'm off.. -len
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| One Language.. |
| 11.11.04 (3:28 pm) [edit] |
It's kinda odd for me, but I've been spending alot of time thinking about Genesis lately..
No, not the fitness club.. the one at the beginning of that age old best seller - the Bible. It prolly has somethin' to do with gettin' married.. or maybe it's about understanding where stuffs from. I think how it started tho.. t'was me recallin' a bit that my dad mentioned to me before I left. It was somethin' about a man leaving his family to be with his wife. After he said it, I looked it up and marked it (KS).. and well, when I got here (AU) I thought of it again when I was lookin' over things for the wedding. Well the place I marked was in the letter to the Ephesians.. in the new testament. But I realized it was a quote to the old testament and looked it up. It was a quote from the creation of man and woman for one another..
Alot of peeps don't like the idea that I've been so curious about the old testament. Many just harumph about any insights I might glean from the text. I can't help it.. when I read a good story in any book, I wanna discuss it. Even reading from sci-fi or fantasy novels I do the same. There's somethin' to be learned from every moment of life.. whether it's my own or someone else's. Whether it's a sci-fi fiction novel, a biography, or a 2000+ year old overly transcribed history of mankind.
Then I was reading in another book that focuses on language called "I see a voice," and it talked about one person that was trying to work out Adam's language.. the first language. I'd never really thought about that. It seems that there was only one language for a very long time. Then people started to build a city with a tower that would reach to the heavens. Turns out that wasn't a good idea, and so thier language was confused and they were dispersed. The city was to be called Babel. I wonder how many people who claim to be babbling know that they're referencing a city in the old testament..
So my question is.. what was that language? Was voice even involved?
I'm not sure, but I do know the idea of one language fascinates me. It also makes me wonder what would happen if we did all have one language.. with a population that spans the earth. What would become of us then?
I kind of wonder if this language was even a conventional one that we would be able to use now if we knew it. If there was no confusion, how could it be a language obscured by sight and sound as language is now. Is it possible that at some point mankind had some sort of telepathy or universal understanding?
There's a silly bit of a story I once read a part of.. "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" that talked about something called a "babelfish" that went into the ear and translated any language to be understandable.. I suppose that would be a move in the right direction, but doesn't resolve into a notion of a common language. More like confounding existing ones. [url=http://www.babelfish.org/]Babblefish.org[/url]
Here's an article I found that was interesting, but again.. very reliant on spoken language (only a small part of human communication).[url=http://www.betterhumans.com/F...]Transitory_Human Article[/url]
Considering language without confusion, it's hard to dispose of the concept that there may be some capability in humans to communicate and comprehend outside of the realm of the tangible medium that exists between each of us..
Then again.. there's something ever so slightly comforting about the tangible art of obscurity, isn't there? -len
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| Nearly a month.. |
| 11.04.04 (8:30 pm) [edit] |
It's been nearly a month since I last blogged..
I've started a couple of times. The last time Rach's mum came in and asked what I was doing.. I tried to explain blogging.
I've learned alot of late about duvets and 3 course meals.. and all sorts of very formal affairs. I am not formal. I am simple. (Rach says, "..up here" and points to her head. followed by a really nice makup kiss. :P)
We finally seem to be getting somewhere on wedding stuffs. It's all on the right track at least. We have invitations being printed as I blog, and soon to be on thier way (hopefully posted by Monday). YaY!
I'm watching Rach blog.. and find hers to be much more deeply philosophical right now. I like to watch her words form.. it's a luxury I've not long had, and one I am very greatful to partake of.
It's strange the thoughts I've been thinking lately.. so many of them about these life changing moments as I live them. Every one impacting the others. Ha, look at me now.. I'm getting philosophical now. (or at least socio/pathological). I have no clue what that means.
Yesterday Rach got made up.. it was a test for the wedding. I didn't go, because I'm not supposed to see it being done. (Rach says I can, but it's really boring.) So I stayed home and twiddled my thumbs, pretending to get things done while she was away. (I got things done, but they were silly things.)
When she arrived home, I was stunned. I probably looked like a bug on a windshield. I've never seen Rach so gussied up before, and I didn't recognize her. She was like one of those China dolls (made in Japan) for little american girls to play with and wanna grow up to make themselves up to be like (huh? :roll:). She was gorgeous, no mistake about that.. but I needed her to smile now and again to even see the woman I knew so well. (She's watching me write this because she's curious to know what I thought of her makup I suspect.. "no I'm not" she says.. "just watching because I don't know what to write, myself.")
I just removed the last section I wrote.. and I'm making it increasingly difficult for Rach to know what to write about.. I'm not sure how, but I've accepted that most things are my fault anyway, and I've learned to live with it. See.. like right now, she thinks I've twisted her words around. ("YOU HAVE!!" :P :P :P) ok, perhaps I have. It's all a farse.. you're wasting your time if you're taking to account anything I'm writing right now, because it's all for show.. and to keep me writing.. because I'm free writing right now.. FREE as in source code.
I've stopped. to breath. Panting. I'm so. Exhausted. :shocked:
Well, I guess that was making up for lost time.. even though I didn't really say anything of value. I just kept typing and typing.. and look at you.. you keep reading and reading. Perhaps you've stopped now just to spite me.. we'll to you folks I say.. "Jolly Good!!" Why? because you're not reading anyway, so I can write whatever I like there. And the rest of the people who continued are the ones who have to put up with it. Silly buggers.
"You are wierd.." Rach says with a flick of an eyeroll. No arguement here. It's hot. I'm hot. but summer's not even began. I'm a wuss. ("Lenny, it's not hot..." Rach retorts.. "Lenny, Lenny, Lenny.." but I keep on writing.. I need to get this done before I stop.)
So I continue, as much as I might so that I don't get cut o..
Bugger I knew that would happen. Well, so be it. I guess it's time to go for now. I'll catch you all laterz. Cheers and good on ya! -len
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| In the fold |
| 10.07.04 (2:45 am) [edit] |
I mimick your words and use them to describe them to harden a bar of softened warm truth and to fear this.. this space between You would have me forget what I know for a moment and let the words be as they stand... unknown and untouched, innocent in the form
The form is stasis.. an idea left untouched for just another moment where words linger longingly to be discovered new and again When I discover them, do I break or 'come unbroken, they are still true To eye the space in the tween is no undaunting task and I do this because I love the words to dance in that space where ballroom floors beckon, and teasing lights shon..
I do love that place and that word (it's joy or it's pain) or when I discover it's escence is fold a part of you and we dance standing still without another thought but that single moment you crafted your art. -len
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| Cross my heart.. |
| 10.06.04 (1:55 am) [edit] |
"Cross my heart ..and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye"
When I was a kid.. that's what we would say when we made a promise. Disturbing, isn't it?
Here is another disturbing phrase children teach one another with little mind to meaning.
"Ring around the rosie / pocket full of posies / ashes, ashes, we all fall down."
"Eenie menie minie moe / Catch a tiger by the toe / if he hollers make him pay / fifty dollars every day / My mom told - me - to - pick - the - very - best - one - and - you - are - not - it." (tho there's another version where they just let the tiger go)
There is an extensive list of these, and I suspect I'll think of more in the next few days. The point being.. sometimes we say things because they're programmed, not because we mean them or even believe them. Some of these things we are taught, are taught to protect us from a world more cruel than our imaginations. Other things we are taught, are the very things that create and/or harbor the cruelty.
There's alot of beauty in the world too.. beauty that exceeds imagination. Fading to be renewed from season to season.
Answer this: What is more beautiful to you.. The lush green of new growth? The colorful patterns of ages passing?
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-len
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| 11 hours.. |
| 10.05.04 (8:01 pm) [edit] |
Well, I suppose I better get started. :P ..but first, I gotta blog.
It's already 9am and I haven't showered yet. I just have a feeling too, that as soon as I get in there, Owen is gonna call and I'll have to bugger call him back to get him to finally come by and look at this bugger DVD player. If it were up to me I would have never messed with the fella in the first place, but I understand considering gateway went belly up here in Aussie from what Rach's Mum says. Pretty bad when a computer dude gets his info about the state of the industry from his future Mum-in-law. :P
Work seems to generally be doing fine without me there. They're pretty great tho to bring up things that make me feel really needed. Rach seems to enjoy the same demand for the work she's been doing lately too. I think we're both in a good place right now. I hope we don't lose those feelings of being valued when we move to the states.
I used to imagine how great it would be to work from home. How I could control the distractions and really focus on my work. How much more productive I would feel without those distractions. So now I'm doing it.. and really having a hard time finding all that green grass. Don't get me wrong.. it's quite beautiful just having the freedom to pop to the kitchen for a quick lunch break, or sit outside and enjoy a beautiful afternoon. It's a wonder to be able to listen to what I want to listen to, and wear what I want to wear without buggering anyone. ..but there's something missing. That little something that makes it feel like what you're doing really makes a difference. The subtle feeling of the presence of others. The quiet focus of the office workspace. The occasional favour and appreciative gesture. People looking after people with common goals. It's something that is often taken for granted in that seemingly constrictive space.
I feel very much on holiday, but I yearn for an adventure. It's quite tempting in fact, to hop on a train and see where it takes me. To select a target, and spend a day trying to get there on my own. I don't take the opportunity for adventure as often as I'd like. It's very easy to lean on Rach. Oddly, I get frightened (unecessarily) sometimes thinking of Rach going it alone before I came along, or even now. It frightens me even tho I know that she can go it alone more easily than I can in many cases. I think as I guy, I like to think that she needs me on some level. Truth is I'm more a choice that she makes everyday than something she ever should "need." She makes this choice because she is strong enough to go alone, but she would prefer to share it all with me.
I need to shower and get to work, so that I can at least do some work before the day is up. I will blog again soon.. as soon as I can. -len
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| Peer pressure.. |
| 10.04.04 (9:52 pm) [edit] |
..tho completely unintentional. I thought it not fair that all the girlie blogging peeps get to have all the fun with these silly quizzes.. and they all seem to all be made for girls. (I guess girls have more time to waste on silly things, aye?) Well, in honor of the 21st century, I set out this morning to find a quiz that was suitable for male bludgers, um.. I mean bloggers too. So here it is, and here's what I found out...
I am Air..
You tend to flit from one thing to another without so much as a second thought, but you're not a COMPLETE ditz. In fact, there's an actual brain inside that head of yours. Your girlfriend would be VERY genki, like you, and you would probably go to some theme park for a date. People tend to think that you're an airhead, but, you're still a loyal friend, despite the fact that you tend to forget a lot of details. Probably the most hyper of the lot, you're air, so be proud!
Element Test: For the Boys brought to you by Quizilla
I am Yeller..
Yellows are the most fun-loving, free-spirited, energetic, and childlike personalities in the aura spectrum. Yellows are wonderful, sensitive, optimistic beings, whose life purpose is to bring joy to people, to have fun, and to help heal the planet.
What Is Your True Aura Colour? brought to you by Quizilla
There were a few bits that were surprisingly accurate, tho the first pic is quite pathetic. -len
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| On month.. |
| 09.29.04 (9:57 pm) [edit] |
Doesn't seem that long at all. Passed like the blink of an eye to be quite honest.
Made me wonder why that month in KS seemed so much longer and fuller to me. Then it hit me.. I had far more time to spend with Rachael. Even though I was working full time, we had opportunities to go for leisurely walks together, to look at the stars together.. generally more time to spend alone with one another without some mission or task to overtake us. I suspect this will be the difference between here and there.. in KS, I got used to all that downtime. I never realized how much, until I came here. I always thought I was busy, busy, busy in KS.. never felt like I had time to get anything done aside from work and sleep. Here, even those things seem deprived for all the aimless running, and just making sense of things. When I walked yesterday, I found myself walking at near sprinters pace, just to catch up with who knows what. There were still the lovely things that normally would stop me to ponder, but they were just a blur at my uninspiringly heady pace.
I should be working right now. I need to work, but I'm bludging. Sitting around writing things that need to be written, even though at thier best these things will never earn my keep.
I think I'll call Owen.. though I don't know what to say. I would like to fix the bugger thing myself, but I don't know if it's as simple as the video card, or if the drive itself requires a decoder that was onboard or disposed of with the gateway. It's precisely the reason I'm not a big fan of mixing and matching parts unless a person does it for themselves. Don't think I'll call right now. Perhaps tomorrow, when Rach is home.. for some moral support.
My mind's already drifting to a new blog post.. so I'll cut this one short. -len
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| Birkenhead point |
| 09.22.04 (4:28 pm) [edit] |
Sounds like some romantic getaway, doesn't it? :P
It's a shopping center.. yea, I know.. you'd prefer your image of a marvelous cliff overlooking the city of Sydney. Well it's a bit special for Rach and I.. because we're cheap. Ok, I'M cheap.. but WE like bargains, so I looked up outlet stores and mentioned this place to Rach. She was like "..oh YEA, that place!"
So we went.. and really enjoyed speed shopping. We're both a bit of that style, Rach and I.. we run through frantically looking for something that catches our eye. Then try it out, and come back to get it later if we have the desire (and if it's the right price :P).
While we were there we found some things we were looking for, and stumbled upon some shoes (very american, and very 80's) that Rach has been wanting a pair of for some time. So she tried them on.. and we liked them. So much so, that we didn't leave and come back.. we just got them then and there. We don't do that much, and both would rather not get into that habit, but this was an exception.
Later, a day or two after that trip, we went to the a picnic that wasn't much of a picnic, more like a field of peeps standin' around chattin'. But that's another story.. anyway, when Kat and Kara saw the shoes.. they decided they needed some too. So we took another trip down to Birkenhead Point, the four of us. It was fun, but I was tired. We shopped and shopped and had some food (yummy crepes for three fo us, and "hot chips" for Kara). Then we shopped some places we saw on the way.. until it rained. I think we were all ready to go home anyway. We'd been shopping for a while. It was a good day, and I quite enjoy hanging with that group. We've alot of silly fun.
umm... then we went home, and the story goes on from there. :P So that's the end of Birkenhead Point for now.. I'm sure we'll see that place again tho. -len
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| Soccer Presentation |
| 09.21.04 (2:05 am) [edit] |
Last week Rach and I went to a Soccer presentation. We dressed all up and wanted to call it our first real date. It didn't turn out much like a date.. so we changed our mind, and decided we would make our first date just us.
Sounds kinda silly plannin' a the first date with my fiance, aye? Well.. I guess it is a bit odd. Ya gotta remmie tho, we've only seen each other in person for less than 2 months now. We've honestly had plenty of encounters that I'd call a date. Like going for a walk thru my old Neighborhood in KS.. and well, we've both met the folks. But we've never really dressed up too much before this soccer presentation. We looked nice for dinner with my folks that one night.. and Rach always dresses with class and style. I tend to dress for comfort tho I like to spiff out a bit from time to time.
I just realized we've never gone to church together, Rach and I. I would really like to. She's mentioned that she's seen some deaf churches in the area, but doesn't seem all that excited to go. I can understand.. she was heavily encouraged to go to church growing up just like me. And it always seems like we have too little time to spare as it is. But I think I would like to go sometime soon. If for nothing else, to give us a chance to sit quietly together.
Well this seems to have gone a bit off of the topic of the soccer presentation.. but I suppose that's the way it always will be with me. A bit chaotic, this one. I wonder sometimes whether that's something Rachael enjoys about me, or just tolerates. I suspect theres quite a few things she just tolerates. I know she loves me regardless. -len
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| taxes? |
| 08.22.04 (8:43 pm) [edit] |
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I'm spendin' some time I should be using to pack while my oncoming bro-in-law finishes his taxes online. Taxes online? :| ...oh, yea.. he's aussie.
I was flippin' thru tblog profiles and seein' who had who listed.. saw one dude that said he was from middle earth.. I'd heard that before.. quite often it seems.. then it finally clicked. NZ! that's middle earth.. where lord of the rings was filmed. And then I felt duh. Sometimes things evade me.
One week before I fly. I'm scared to death. I am so anxious to just be there, but I know as soon as I am.. my life here (KS) will seem to vanish. I'm already fading away it seems, and feeling as though I'm drifting someplace in between. And right now, the only connection keeping me grounded is my Rach. She's silent right now. She's as anxious as I am.. I'm sure of it.
I love my Rach, but I never feel like I can tell her enough. I know that she knows it.. but I don't know that she is completely aware of what she means to me. She is strong, but I love her when she's weak too. She's proud, but I love her humble too. She knows she's beautiful, but I love her when she feels undone too. She's extraordinary, but I love her when she's ordinary too.
was thinkin' of somethin' else too.. will try and blog it next..
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| Late night update.. |
| 08.14.04 (10:57 pm) [edit] |
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I missed my reunion today.. was gonna be my 10 year reunion with my "graduating class," but I didn't go. I think I was nervous to go anyway. I never really knew my graduat ing class at Halstead very well.. after all, I grew up in Newton most of my life. Plus when I was goin' to school there at Halstead, I rarely hung out with peeps my own age. Not sure why.
I can't believe how soon before my world turns rightside up again. Dad and I have been passin' information back and forth about peeps on the flipside, learnin' all we can.. I think he's prolly nervous for me. Prolly just as much excited too. Oddly though.. my directoins still won't turn around.. I keep imaginin' OZ south of those kiwis, prolly 'cause I always think of north as cooler here.
I was demonstrating accents to my dad today.. we'd just finished up the siding repairs we did today, and I nursed my scratch that mom insisted would get infected and my arm would fall off if I didn't put iodine or something.. and she never saw it, I just mentioned that it stung until I washed it and she started to worry. Mom worries because she cares about her son (me).. anycase... we were sitting outside and I was tryin' to tallk an aussie accent among others and we were talkin' about how it'll prolly be hard for me to talk... like we talk here... over there. I mentioned about how bad I am at pickin' up accents without thinkin' about it. Like if I go south I start to drawl, and I head north and find myself sayin' beg. I think I'm worse witht he southern accents though. They're so lazy and full of character. Sometimes I think of Aussie as southern brit.. I know that's not a very popular thing to say.. but I dont' mean it as an insult. I only think that way because it's a very laid back accent. Maybe that all has to do with climate.. and before you flame, I know all aussie is not the same.. Sydney's accent's diff from Melb's. Yea.. I'm too hung up on the whole thing right now anyway.. just somethin' to blabber about isn't it?
I think I'm just tryin' not to get carried away with details of departure and arrival and stuffs since my mind is jam packed with that stuffs right now. Goin' thru the wierdness of sayin' g'bye to everyone for 6mo. I needa measure my bags because I'm thinkin' wierd worries about not gettin' my stuffs on right. I just wanna a magical scale that I can toss stuffs in and it goes, yep.. that's alright.. oh, no.. that's horrid, you won't want that.. uh-oh best leave that.. they might think you a terrorist for havin a hand razor, better bring your electric.. and give me ideas like.. you gonna needa plug that in when ur there. Maybe I'll run it all thru my folks.. that might help. Tho it would be better to have an authority, or a machine that doesn't make surprise mistakes. (tho machines often do, they just don't like to admit it.)
I've got a bugger lot to say.. but it's 1:20am.. I don't know what it is about me writin late at night.. but I think it has to do with the silence and tryin' to get my last thoughts out before I leave them packed away in my slumber's tiny scattered giftboxes. Knowin' full well that the only way to recount these little nuggets is to dig thru miles and miles of tissue paper. Somethin' about night and aobut fog that makes my world shrink to the confines of my thoughts. The world's a big place, and full of distractions.. and fog is a nice place to reside for a mind with so many escher-like patterns of thought. One step at a time on this timeless staircase, one fading to the next.. and the end of what I know is my favorite beginning.
Sleepy rambles.. I'm gonna enjoy those in the morning if they make any sense. 'Tis also the danger of late night writing. I must be off.. g'night.
I lovecha so deep behind our eyelids, luv.. until day they're opened again to each other us, we do slumber and we do dream.. until then soon, we awaken to fulfill the dream again.. again in it's beautiful reality. So very sooner. -len
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| I got my visa!! |
| 07.30.04 (6:04 pm) [edit] |
I called today to get my tickets, but my travel agent is in Canada for the weekend. She's gonna call me when she gets back.
I started making lists today to make sure everything gets done before I go. I simultaneously love and hate making lists. I like to brainstorm to make them, sort of clearning out the junk in my mind scattered this way and that.. but I'm always buggered until they're done once I have them. I can get pretty buggered over a simple list of incomplete todos.. and I miss out on so many beautiful things when I bugger about these unfinished items on a list.
There's nothing I can do about it.. I'm gonna have to suffer thru it and know that once I hop on that plane, I can throw away all those lists and clear my mind once again.
The worst part of having these lists of things that need done, is that it crowds out thinkin' and daydreamin'. When that happens for a while, it's like my mind gets stiff. The good part tho, is when I finally complete those tasks, and do away with that list again.. I can stretch that brain out in every direction and let it free to tingle through every nerve ending until I'm warm and glowing with life again.
I think that's what that last post may have been about. The stillness that accompanies a cronological mind. A linear mind gets things taken care of in an orderly fashion.. a linear mind is dependable. A cronological mind has a schedule for life, and lives tomorrow already today. A linear mind is steadfast, loyal, and rarely breaks the routine. This is what my mind becomes when I have time limits and deadlines and lists.
Othewise my mind is more like a plane.. planar.. spreading out in infinite directions with yesterdays and tomorrows all waving and splashing into today. Like an ocean of memories, sporatically evaporating and returning in torrents or light misting droplets.. moving from here to there through space and sky, and when they falll, they make tiny ripples in my today. Today is the surface, that place between the established and stored waves of yesterday, and the spinning rotating recycled events.. Today is stored in that place in between.. the most important nothing that is something.
will continue shortly.. Luvcha, luv -len
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| Still |
| 07.17.04 (10:21 am) [edit] |
adj. 1. Free of sound. 2. Low in sound; hushed or subdued. 3. Not moving or in motion. 4. Free from disturbance, agitation, or commotion. 5. Free from a noticeable current: a still pond; still waters. 6. Not carbonated; lacking effervescence: a still wine. 7. Of or relating to a single or static photograph as opposed to a movie.
n. 1. Silence; quiet: the still of the night. 2. A still photograph, especially one taken from a scene of a movie and used for promotional purposes. 3. A still-life picture.
adv. 1. Without movement; motionlessly: stand still. 2. At the present time; for the present: We are still waiting. 3. Up to or at a specified time; yet: still had not arrived. 4. At a future time; eventually: may still write that novel. 5. In increasing amount or degree; even: and still more paperwork. 7. nevertheless.
v. 1. To make still or tranquil. 2. To make quiet; silence. 3. To make motionless. 4. To allay; calm: The parents stilled their child's fears of the dark.
[LINE][LINE] ..I stand. [LINE][LINE]
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| Still who we are.. |
| 07.17.04 (10:12 am) [edit] |
Rach and I have traded back.. either that or I've fallen prey to hostile takover and she's bloggin' both now. :|
Nah, I think it's time we stopped confusin' peeps too.. so this blog once again is me. It's gkumba. It's len. And soon (but not soon enough) we'll have a joint blog you all can look over too. Yea, we're blogomaniacs. :P
Granted, I don't know how much more or less we'll keep up the blog.. considering we sort of use bloggin' to leave little notes for one another. I suspect there'll be a lull.. we're gonna be pretty busy for a while gettin' things arranged. Plenty to do.. and all last minute, because I'm a lousy "planner aheader" (a term my bro and I would probably make up).
I recently got a title at the place I work. I used to be "Engineering Assistant," but now I'm "Technical Writer." What does that mean? Means I have a title that means I do something specific. When peeps ask, I can now say I'm a technical writer, and leave it at that. Peeps don't go "hmm.. so what exactly is that?" and I don't have to explain until I'm blue in the face.
-len
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| Memories |
| 07.04.04 (10:47 pm) [edit] |
I blogged last time I was here, but tblog crashed while I tried to post it so it's lost...
I don't recall what I said..
Ah, I think I remember... I said something like if someone had told me 4years ago that I'd meet my love online and marry him, I'd have scoffed and laughed at the absurdity of it all... Yet, here I am engaged to the man I met [u]online[/u] and whose grace I long to adorn my eyes upon once again.
Shooting stars, stolen kisses, fireflies, the playing field, trees, wheat field, car trips to wherever, Walmart, lost goodbyes, and a thousand more memories...
I'd best go now.. I love you Len -RJ
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| Cocktail |
| 06.30.04 (6:14 pm) [edit] |
| How to make a Rachael |
Ingredients:
5 parts success
1 part silliness
1 part energy |
Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little emotion if desired! |
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